Detachment - my second word for 2019

Do you have your theme for the year? Detachment, my second word for 2019

havenecarter@gmail.com (Haven Carter) — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Detachment - my second word...

How are your resolutions holding up?

Yeah? I don’t make them anymore either.

That’s why I choose words and songs to focus on for the year. Have you picked your word or a theme for 2019?

If you read my last couple of newsletters, maybe you remember my three words for 2019…

Mudita, or appreciative joy
Detachment
Acceptance

I spent some time talking about mudita and how difficult it can be for me to practice appreciative joy when it seems everyone else is having success and I’m hitting a brick wall. Ever felt that way?

Oh, it’s easy to celebrate your colleague’s promotion/big win/engagement when you are also experiencing what looks like achievements to the outside world.

And not at all easy when you’re doing everything right and just not getting the rewards.

This is where detachment comes in.

Detachment

Of course, we look at what we are doing and analyze how it can be improved. We bring experts in to look at it for us, we join mastermind groups to help us view it from a fresh perspective, we invite our accountability partners to help us evaluate it all, and our coaches support us and help us devise new plans.

But when we practice detachment and acceptance, we are not derailed when we don’t have the successes we expect.

Instead, we put in the effort, we do the work, we make the calls, we dot our i’s and cross our t’s and let it go. We let go of the attachment to the results.

If someone else gets the contract, we move on to the next proposal. We analyze what we did right, what we can do better next time, we don’t take it personally, and we place our energies on what is next.

Detachment keeps our energy high, our vibration is tuned in to a higher frequency that does the work not from a place of ego but from the place of service.

I mean, why are we doing the work we are doing?

Do we want to help others, i.e., serve others or do we do it all for ourselves, meaning ego?

So, the next time you are writing a proposal or preparing for a sales call, pause and remember why you’re doing it.

You’ll notice a calmness, a grounding energy within you.

And when you get the gig, make the sale or not. Remember again. And move on.

Blessings,

Haven

Here's to YOU in 2019!

havenecarter@gmail.com (Haven Carter) — Thu, 03 Jan 2019 00:00:00 GMT

What about you? Have you picked your words? Songs?

In my last communication, I shared my three words and two songs for 2019... what about YOU?

I'd love to know what you are planning for the new year? What's your theme? Your word or words? Song?

Are you continuing down the path you began in 2018 or are you wiping the slate clean and beginning anew?

How do you get clarity? Do you walk in nature, sit in stillness, consult with your mastermind group?

All of these are excellent ways for us to get in alignment so we can hear what is truly calling us.

We don't get our best ideas and juiciest inspiration huddled over our laptops clutching our temples thinking hard. They come when we're dancing, running, listening to water run over rocks as we walk along the hiking trail.

We remember our true calling when we slow down, when we are doing what we love, when we are at rest, and when we are not trying.

Still need some help?

I'm happy to offer my complimentary discovery session for you. Whether you're at a complete loss, or just need small adjustments, I can help put you on the right path.

Just email or call me (650-704-2444) to schedule your complimentary 30-minute phone call. I can help assess your unique situation and outline a plan for your best year yet.

Together we'll clarify your goals, set a new boundary or two, and you'll be on your way to defining your theme for the new year.

Make 2019 the year of YOU!

Blessings,

Haven

Hello 2019 - Here's to Mudita, Gratitude and Me!

havenecarter@gmail.com (Haven Carter) — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 00:00:00 GMT

2018 is basically over. Well, except for a day or two. So, if you have that one last thing you want to check off your list, I suggest you get going!

The new year. A continuation of the last or a completely new beginning…

When did you start thinking about and planning for 2019? I began a few weeks ago…

A couple of things I do for the new year is think about a theme for the year. I choose a word or three to focus my year and I choose a song to motivate me.

For 2019 I’ve picked two songs! I figured, Why not?

My 2019 Words

My three words for the new year are mudita , the Pali word for appreciative joy, detachment , and acceptance . They’re really closely connected.

I was teaching mudita in a class last Fall and realized how powerful and difficult practicing mudita is.

Mudita is one of the four components of benevolence - the first is loving-kindness, the second, compassion, and the fourth, equanimity.

Practicing mudita or appreciative joy seems easy, but it's not…

When I am having success with my business and in my personal relationships and I see others also having success, feeling appreciative joy for them is fairly easy. My book is doing well, their book is doing well and we celebrate together.

BUT if my book sales are lagging and their book is a best-seller, I feel jealous and wonder why does everyone else seem to be successful and I feel like a failure?

However, if I can remember to practice mudita, I raise my vibration and bring myself into an energetic space of true appreciative joy and celebration for their success. So, no matter where I am and what I am experiencing, I actually feel better and invite abundance into my life.

I have discovered that I teach what I most need to learn so it was no mistake that I was led to share mudita in class. And in learning a new skill, I begin in the embryonic stage and then learn the lesson on every level (again and again!).

It seems easy at first.

It becomes more difficult as I practice. It’s just like a baby learning to roll over, then creep, crawl, pull herself up, stand, walk, and then dance.

I fall many times and begin again. Over and over again.

Just how easy is it to pull ourselves out of the muck when we are working really hard (and smart!) and doing everything right and yet not having the “success” we see everyone seeming to have?

It’s not.

We just have to keep celebrating for ourselves and others and trust.

And stay in alignment with our truth.

That’s where my other two words come in. Detachment and acceptance.

Happy Thanksgiving

havenecarter@gmail.com (Haven Carter) — Tue, 20 Nov 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough,

and more.

It turns denial into acceptance,

chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast,

a house into a home,

a stranger into a friend.

—Melody Beattie

Gratitude to you and yours during this season of thanksgiving.

A gift, a guided meditation recorded at the Frontier during my RTPFit Meditation session. Enjoy.

Autumn Leaves

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:17:41 GMT

Autumn leaves are falling all around us these days. There seem to be more on the ground than on the trees.

Gypsy and I were walking this afternoon and it occurred to me that perhaps this year I missed the colors of the autumn leaves. Were they vibrant gold, crimson and orange? Did they shimmer in the sunshine, contrast greatly with the green pines and stand out beautifully against the Carolina blue sky? Or did it rain so often that when the sun shone, I only appreciated the sun and overlooked the changing of the trees? Did I pause even to breathe in the warmth of the sun?

Yesterday morning I was speaking with an acquaintance and we both lamented the recent busyness of our lives. I admitted that I’ve not been a practitioner of what I preach. “The rest of this week I am not doing, doing, doing and going, going, going,” I said. “I am being.” I meant doing as little as possible, catching my breath, sitting and reading, wondering, walking (not as a chore), and writing in my journal.

What a relief.

So today walking with Gypsy I noticed the leaves on the ground.

Reduce Stress and Be More Successful

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:16:55 GMT

When you reduce the icky stress in your life, you live a better life – a happier, healthier and more joyful life. A more successful one, too.

It’s true. When you are relatively stress-free you are more successful in every area of your life.

If you take good care of yourself, you love what you are doing, then everything is in flow and everything flows easily through you and to you – family, friends, spirit, health, career, and money.

If not, you’re all clogged up. Or dammed up as the case may be.

What happens when you’re stressed out? How do you feel? What do you look like?

I know what I look like. I look like a chicken with my head cut off.

A friend of mine is a brain researcher and she says it’s our reptilian brain at work, racing from one bright and shiny object to another, REACTING to the next crisis and never really getting to things we want to create.

So when we behave this way all the time, we die from exhaustion. The reptile dies.

But we’re human and when we are in reactive mode with no breaks, we burn out.

So we learn and when we suffer a burnout, we begin to pay attention to ourselves, sort of. We react some and catch ourselves, take a pause. We start to feel burnt out so we go to the spa or the gym – we get a massage, or we work out– releasing the stress. We begin to pause, breathe, think and then act – we are learning to respond. We are in responsive mode.

Still, we notice that we are not really doing what we want to do.

All of these great ideas we had when we started our company are still on the whiteboard as we race around doing, doing, doing for our clients.

Yes, the bills are being paid – and the great idea on the whiteboard which will take us and our clients to the next level sits up there – you can see it – waiting to be manifested.

One day, either from exhaustion, frustration, or a glimpse of clarity, you decide enough is enough and you begin to take excellent care of yourself.

You take care of you first and you are full, so full of love, kindness, and compassion. You’re calm, peaceful, focused, deliberate, strong, powerful, empowered, and happy.

You begin creating that idea on the whiteboard. Sure, the clients might still be gnawing and clawing at you for this and that. And rather than reacting. You pause, you breathe and you respond in your time, in your way (unless there’s blood on the floor) and continue to create your dream which is making everything flow better for you and for them.

You’re setting good, healthy boundaries and you are in creative mode, your peak performance zone and you are teaching your clients how to hang out in this zone too.

So how do we get there to this creative mode, our peak performance zone?

We take excellent care of ourselves. We reduce the stress in our lives. We allow everything to flow.

Over the next few days, I’m going to key in on 7 easy and fun ways to relieve stress and live a happier, more successful life.

Wouldn’t it be cool to react with love?

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:14:18 GMT

“People all over the world, Join hands, Start a love train” ~ The O’Jays

Ever since Dallas a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been dancing a love mix routine in my Nia classes. We’ve been focusing on LOVE with the intent to create love and spread love within ourselves, our communities and to infect everyone we meet with love by responding with love. I was reflecting on this…creating love, pausing and responding with love and then it hit me, what if creating and responding with love becomes a habit so that I actually begin to REACT with LOVE?! How cool would this be?!

I mean I espouse to my consulting and mindfulness clients that in order to be in our peak performance zone where we’re creating our dreams, we have to take excellent care of ourselves. We love ourselves, love on ourselves, take joy and pleasure and find beauty in everything, and are mindful . We move from reacting to responding to creating.

So now this love becomes the new norm, the habit, our customary response to everything. LOVE is our reaction no matter what comes at us! Wow!

I shared this with my friend BJ Davis and her beautiful insight “if we don’t quickly move ‘love’ into the parking space of a response, something else will park there, resentment, anger, hurt, jealousy…and those are hard to move out (parking hogs for sure)” reminded me that love is the antidote to all negative emotions and especially to fear. And there is a lot of fear being pushed on us lately.

So, let’s create a love train, let’s get everyone on board. Let’s create a love storm. Let’s respond with love so often that we start to react with love. And when we don’t, we begin again. After all, love is the answer, no matter the question.

Meditate and Be More Successful Or How Taking the Time to Sit in Stillness and Focus on Your Breath Can Benefit You at Work

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:11:45 GMT

When invited to sit in stillness, or meditate, at a retreat or while on vacation, many business people will welcome the quiet time but once back at home and in the swing of things, this practice may be forgotten. I know it was for me. I was introduced to mindfulness and meditation many years ago at a retreat spa. The mindfulness practices of sitting, walking, and eating stimulated me, shifted some things within me, and motivated me to make some changes. Determined to continue these practices, once home and without support, they were abandoned in a few days.

Fortunately, today many companies are not only encouraging employees to meditate, but they are also sponsoring the programs to teach and support the ongoing practice. As research emerges demonstrating the many benefits and most importantly the cost savings to companies’ bottom line, particularly in reduced absenteeism and health care, many such as General Mills, Google, Patagonia, Ford Motor Company, and Accenture are eagerly establishing corporate mindfulness programs.

It doesn’t hurt that mindfulness and meditation are now covered by the mainstream press. Leaders in business, entertainment, sports and art are now revealing their long-held dedication to these practices. People such as Marc Benioff (Salesforce.com), Jeff Weiner (LinkedIn.com), Melinda Gates, Arianna Huffington, Lebron James, Oprah, Katy Perry, Soledad O’Brien, Dan Harris, Candy Crowley, Jennifer Lopez, and a host of others attribute their continued success to their meditation and mindfulness practice.

How exactly can sitting in stillness and focusing on your breath bring you success?

More Time and Less Reacting

First of all, the time you invest in meditation will return to you in spades. When you sit in stillness and you focus on your breath, you notice the here and now, the inhale and the exhale. Yes, your mind wanders, you notice, and you begin again. You are aware. You are present.

In your work day, as situations become chaotic and deadlines approach, you might begin to feel as though time is running out, everything is crashing down on you. But then you sit for just a moment or two and breathe in and out. Time seems to expand. You no longer feel overwhelmed or that you need to react. You have the space to take control of the situation. You have all the time you need to creatively complete the project at hand.

Increased Focus, Less Distracted, Quicker and Better Recovery After Interruptions

After you have been practicing meditation for a while you will also notice that when working, you are more focused on the task at hand and less likely to become distracted by social media, emails, and texts. If you are interrupted, you can use a breathing exercise like Three Conscious Breaths – breathing in deeply through your nose and exhaling completely through your mouth three times – to re-center and refocus. Research proves that once interrupted most workers take between 15-23 minutes to get back on track and even after that they are more than twice as likely to make mistakes. But with the breathing tools from meditation, you can avoid the wasted time and errors.

Improved Productivity, Prioritizing, and Decision-Making

As you sense the expansion of time and you become more focused, you realize that you are getting more done. Productivity increases. You also feel okay about what doesn’t get done because you are properly prioritizing and doing what is most important.

Whenever you do feel overwhelmed, you STOP – Stop, Take a breath (or three conscious breaths), Observe (how do you feel?), and Proceed when ready.

More Self-Aware and Compassionate

You’re able to make these better decisions since you are more self-aware and self-compassionate. The more you sit in stillness, the stronger your compassion muscle becomes. You develop compassion for yourselves and others. You appreciate that we as people may be different, and yet, we are the same with all the same needs, wants, and desires. So, a lot of the self-consciousness around admitting you don’t know or asking for help at work drops away because you know ultimately, you just want to get your work done as efficiently, effectively, and quickly as you can.

If you are feeling lost like you don’t know what to do or how to ask for help, you stop and sit in your chair with both feet on the floor and feel the heaviness of your feet. Breathe in and sense your belly rising and breathe out and sense your belly falling. You can even do a loving-kindness meditation. Once you feel grounded in your breath and your body, go get help and answers.

Increased Creativity and An Eagerness to Learn

The more self-aware you become, the more present you are. The more present you are, the more curious you become. As your curiosity grows, you are more open, you develop a wider perspective, and your creativity deepens and strengthens in all areas of your work, play, and home life. You may make a decision from a different viewpoint, launch an initiative using new partners, or write a marketing headline with fresh boldness.

That curiosity, openness, and receptivity that meditation helps to activate also motivates you to keep learning, asking questions, and exploring.

More Present for Family and Friends

The same presence, focus, and creativity you have at work, you now bring home to family and friends. Since you are more productive, better at prioritizing, and making decisions, you have more time for family and friends too. And that time is more enjoyable, relaxed, and fun because you are not worried about work and you are not beating yourself over what did not get done at work.

Sitting in stillness and focusing on your breath will help you be more successful at work and at home because it helps you be with whatever is happening in the present moment and not react to it. Instead of reacting, you create space around it and decide if and how you are going to respond. You are in control of your space and time and you seem to get more done in less time. Your focus, productivity, creativity, self-awareness, and compassion grow. You get better at prioritizing and decision-making. One decision almost all meditators make is to keep practicing. The ROI is off the charts.

More reasons to be grateful and appreciative

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:09:43 GMT

Almost every other day another email hits my inbox with an article telling me why I should count my blessings, be more appreciative or keep a gratitude journal. I don’t even have to read these messages. The subject line inspires me to stop and count my blessings, say an affirmation, or make a phone call to a friend to say hello. They make me want to indulge in self-care and reach out to those I care about.

Not always…

Occasionally though, when I read them I feel guilty for not being thankful for all I have. Sometimes I even feel irritated that I’m ‘supposed’ to be grateful when there are times in my business and at home when I do feel alone, unsupported, and unappreciated. That is the exact moment when I stop and ask myself When was the last time you sat in stillness? When was the last time you reached out to help a loved one?

The flip

The answer may be this morning but my attitude is telling me it’s time to stop and sit again. Time to regroup, recenter, reground, and get my energy flowing in the direction I want it going. I want to be in gratitude and appreciation because when I’m in this flow I invite more gratitude, energy, and abundance. It’s also time to surround myself with others.

One of my coaches says, “Isolation is the enemy of wealth”. Let’s add health to that comment. Now, new research from Glenn Fox demonstrates

“… grateful feelings lead to health benefits over time. Feeling grateful and recognizing help from others creates a more relaxed body state and allows the subsequent benefits of lowered stress to wash over us.”

These are some of the benefits of meditation too.

Read the whole article here – https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_can_the_brain_reveal_about_gratitude

Meditation

Every morning when I meditate, it’s my show of appreciation for myself and my unique spirit. It’s my acceptance of myself for who I am here and now.

Appreciative

What are you appreciative of today? In what ways do you show gratitude to yourself?

Come Meditate

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:04:55 GMT

No more excuses.

Isn’t it time you stopped making excuses and gave meditation a go? It’s so easy and you’ll feel so good. It doesn’t take much time. And with a little help and guidance, you’ll wonder why it took you so long to feel this great! You’ll be less reactive at work and at home. You’ll be more creative and strategic and make better decisions.

These benefits of sitting in stillness are immediate. You feel calmer, more peaceful, and happier after the first time you meditate, even if it’s just for a few moments.

Only takes a moment.

Meditation only takes a few minutes each morning. Or you can take three conscious breaths several times throughout your day which reduces your blood pressure, slows your heart rate, and eases your nervous system – you actually get healthier when you meditate.

Easy with the right guidance and tools.

From the outside, it may seem difficult to meditate but it is just the practice of focusing on your breath, noticing when you are distracted, and beginning again without judgment. Every one gets distracts even the gurus who have been practicing for many years begin again and again when they are meditating.

That’s why guided meditation is so valuable. That’s why I teach and provide many different tools to my clients and students. So you have the focus on the breath, but you also have many forms of loving-kindness, chakra breathing, moving, and mindfulness meditations.

Happier and more successful.

People who meditate say their practice makes them happier and more successful. Like who? you may ask. LeBron James. Oprah. Ellen. Arianna Huffington. And many leaders in business like Marc Benioff, Evan Willams, and Jeff Weiner.

Meditation is not selfish, it’s self-care and HBR reports mindfulness through a meditation practice is “must-have” for executives.

Are you ready to begin? Contact me .

The Shape of Water – Lesson in help and support

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 08:02:29 GMT

I saw the movie “The Shape of Water” yesterday with a friend. Have you seen it? A young woman pulls off what seems to be the impossible. How? With guts, determination, passion, and the help and support of her closest friends. She can’t do it without the support and help of her friends.

Are you trying to do something without help and support?

In late December, I decided to have a dry January. How could I do this? It’s not the impossible but I’m very social. I love a nice wine and in the last couple of years, I’ve learned about good cocktails. Winter time is a time for hibernation. But isolation is the enemy of health and wealth so for me, winter time is a time for socializing!

Sure, I don’t drink every day but it’s a habit to have a glass of wine while cooking a nice meal with friends, and I love meeting friends for a cocktail and dinner. So, I asked a couple of friends to join me. I wasn’t sure what to expect but when they eagerly agreed, I was relieved to know I would have a support group, people to help me!

Why do dry January?

I wanted to re-set, re-ground, and re-center for the new year and part of that was to eliminate alcohol.

It also included releasing a lot of stuff that I had accumulated so there have been several trips to the Goodwill and my trash bin has been full each week.

Dry January helped a great deal when I heard a report on Weekend Edition about the health benefits and the reporter and the doctor being interviewed were also doing “dry” January. Read or listen here .

I’m assessing and cleaning up relationships and I’m spending more time on the cushion and the mat, meditating and practicing not reacting. In martial arts, the sensei’s first response when confronted is “I do not want to fight”. This is one of my mantra’s when I see something on social media that sets me off or I feel my tail feathers ruffled by another story in the media. How can I respond with love? When love truly is the answer no matter the question, how can I fight?

I’m finding I am calling on a lot of guts, determination, and passion to stay dry, to say goodbye to “stuff”, and to stay true to love, first and foremost self-love, and not react.

Where do you find your help and support?

Over the last couple of weeks, my friends and I have been calling and texting each other to share stories of our adventures. We’ve discovered we have more time, we really like refreshing mock-tail alternatives, and we are sleeping less and well. It’s wonderful to know we have each other’s backs and are here for each other in this endeavor and more. Our relationships are deepening and growing.

This wonderful experience is what happens when we open ourselves up in any relationship. When we expose where we are, what we want to change, and ask for support, we learn, we grow, and we love more deeply – ourselves and others. We see ourselves and others more fully and we are all the better for it.

In the movie, “The Shape of Water” the young woman never feels truly seen until she encounters the “creature” being held captive in the lab. Upon being seen, she exposes herself for the first time and experiences love for herself and another.

It’s a beautiful, lovely story. I saw it with one of the women who’s in “dry January” with me.

I hope you’ll see it. I hope you’ll live it.

Want help? I’m here to help and support you.

I LOVE Change! Or so I thought…

Fri, 09 Nov 2018 07:56:12 GMT

I love change. Don’t you?

I love change. Give me four seasons, load in lots of colors, throw in some comedy and tragedy, spice it up withchaos and grief and I am in heaven.

I have always thrived on change. I’m at my best with some unexpected shakeup at work or at home. I rise to the occasion.

Living, traveling to unknown places

I think that’s one reason I love to travel. And I don’t do a lot of research in advance. I don’t.

We got on a bareboat in Greece once with two weeks, a final destination, a map, groceries, guidebooks and set sail! What discoveries we made. I broke the middle toe on my left foot in Mykonos. It’s never been the same.

I really don’t mind the minor hassles and typically consider it part of the adventure. Being in Denmark last summer called me to consider once again “live abroad!”.

While backpacking through Europe back in the day with my girlfriend Stacey, we truly planned to find jobs and stay in Germany for a while. Why didn’t we? Oh, yeah, no money in it. All the young people said they were trapped. “Keep traveling,” they advised.

Living in Sydney, even for a short six weeks, was exhilarating!

Some of my friends think I’m an Outlander for living on the west coast for 20 years! It was fabulous. It made trips to New Zealand, Japan, China, even Hawaii that much closer.

Closer to home

My mother taught me well. During times of great tragedy and heartache, that’s usually when the big changes are occurring, my mother was a solid foundation of strength, wisdom, courage, comfort, and love. I’m sure I’m not all that but sometimes I truly desire a big life “earthquake” so I can rest in my mother’s assuredness, safety, and mostly, affection while she’s still with me.

Little Changes

On Monday, I was at the pharmacy picking my asthmas inhaler refill. The pharmacist said my inhaler was new and much easier to use. “The dosage is dispensed by your breath. It’s more effective, efficient, and all around better,” she informed me.

I felt my entire body tighten, my head ached, my throat felt dry and itchy, and my hands began to sweat. “You want me to change my inhaler?”

She calmly repeated the features and benefits and more. I asked again incredulously, “How can I change when I am used to my inhaler?”

Then I heard myself, paused, and began to giggle. I thought what am I resisting?

Help? An easier way? Better? More? Abundance? All of the above?

Notice

Do you like change? What are you resisting? Anything?

Watch. Listen. Notice.

Love to hear from you…

2017 is your year!

Mon, 02 Jan 2017 00:00:00 GMT

This year is all about you. This is not a selfish statement or idea. Taking the best care of you is self-love. Self-love is paying attention to you, being mindful of you. When you take great care of you, pay attention to you, and are mindful of you, you begin to experience life in a whole new way. You become more appreciative, joyful, loving, clear-minded, focused, curious, open, accepting, happy, peaceful, and calm. Work becomes easier. Life is more enjoyable and balanced.

If you want to take the first step towards making 2017 about you, and you don’t know how, shoot me an email . We’ll schedule a time to talk and with my support, we can figure it out together.

2017 is your year. It’s all about you but you are not alone.

Here’s to you! Here’s to the new year!

Haven